tracey gets personal

Some stuff has happened this last week or so and it's really weighing on my mind. I generally steer clear of posting anything too personal but I really need to talk about it. The thing is it's not about me. I have no problem (at all) talking about my own stuff. There is no such thing as too personal for me. It's when it's about my family or friends that I clam up. I feel like it's not really my right to air everything out for the public's reading pleasure. On the other hand, what affects my family, affects me. So, here goes...

Last week I noticed on our school district's website that a 7th grade math teacher at one of the other middle schools (not ours) had been arrested for child pornography. I immediately told my husband... then posted about it on Facebook. I was a little freaked but not overly concerned for my kids' sake because he's never worked at our school. "My kids are okay." I thought. Then came the letter. Not only did he teach math at W- Middle School, he also helped out with the district's 5th grade outdoor education camp. The camp that both of my my boys have been to in the last few years. I quickly scanned the rest of the letter. Then promptly threw up. "The FBI has found pictures and video of male students changing and showering at the camp.... They are working to identify the students.... Please talk to your children about their experience at camp." Then it listed the schools that this teacher had volunteered for. And right there in the middle was P- Elementary, our school.

Of course, we've talked to the boys about good touching and bad touching, about "private parts". About telling us if anyone ever does anything inappropriate to them. But how do you talk to them about this? School is supposed to be safe. Teachers are supposed to be someone you can trust. And, even more difficult, how do you restore their faith when they realize someone took advantage and they never even knew? Would you want to know?

i'll miss you most of all, french fries

I had my yearly (actually 6 months) check up with the GP yesterday. All of my blood test results were smack dab in the middle. Except my cholesterol levels. My "bad" cholesterol is a little high so the doctor said to stop eating so much good food... I mean, saturated fats and fried yumminess. Plus exercise daily (uh...what?!) and lose weight. Boohoohoo.

Actually, after seeing the scale when I weighed in, I had already come to that conclusion myself. I've started the yoga and my belly dance class starts tomorrow night, plus the pool passes mean lots of swimming this summer. So, the exercise thing might not be too bad.  It's the fried food thing that's going to be hard. I love, love, LOVE greasy, salty, crispy, crunchy foods. That's my "chocolate". (I don't really like plain chocolate. I don't dislike it, I just don't love it.) My second love? Cheese. Pretty sure that's out the window now, too. So, between the diet and the daily exercise and the weather (directly) from hell,  you guys are going to be hearing A LOT of bitching and complaining this summer. You'll still love me, right?

circus of the sun

Today was one of the good ones. No, one of the GREAT ones.
<----- This is what we did. My sister (and best friend since before we were even born) and I had front row floor seats to the show. Being that close just makes it seem so much... more. Real and raw and awe-inspring. Like you're right in the middle of things. Being deaf brings a unique (and sometimes upsetting) perspective to things. You feel like you're missing out, because you are. Sound is used so often to convey emotions, especially in theatrical productions like this one. Occasionally I'll find an experience that's actually become deeper or more meaningful without sound. (My first large scale fireworks display after becoming deaf was one of the most surreal things I've ever experienced.) Today, I found something else. This show was just... I can't even think of the words. It left me laughing and sad and holding my breath and even a little freaked out at times. I gasped and cringed and sighed with relief and I feel like I didn't miss a single damn thing. I wish I could go and see it again. Right now. The performers... artists, really, are just amazing. Who knew jumping rope could be so exciting? I can't even begin to recapture everything we saw. My favorite has to be the... everything (http://www.cirquedusoleil.com/en/shows/quidam/show/acts.aspx). Maybe the Cloud Swing. Or the Banquine. The Statue though has to be one of the most excruciatingly beautiful things I've ever seen.
Quidam is the story of a girl whose parents ignore her. So, she finds her own world. The different acts combine beauty, strength and amazing acrobatic feats that will leave you saying "How can they do that?!" (Seriously, how does someone train to perform in this circus?) Throughout the story though, they really make you feel exactly what this young girl feels; in her imaginary world, and the real one.
My hands are still sore from clapping so hard. And the only thing that kept me from leaping from my seat throughout the show was the fact that I probably would have fallen on my ass. This is the second time my sister and I have been to Cirque de Soleil together. The first time was 10 years ago. No way am I waiting that long to go back again.

Thank you, Sister, for sharing this amazing day with me. (And for picking the more expensive, closer parking lot.)

this keeps me going...

My deaf friends and I are always sharing "Can you believe this guy?" stories. My own go-to story is about something that happened to me when I was in the hospital following the surgery that took the last of my hearing. We planned ahead by buying a small white board and stocking up on dry erase markers. One day a young resident came in early, before any of my family was there, to give me a check over. I very cheerfully said "I'm deaf now so you're going to have to use that dry erase board (pointing to where it was) so I can understand you." He walked over, picked it up, walked back and... handed it to me. Ummmm, yeah. No. He was suitably embarassed when I gave it back to him. (And it was very early in the morning.) But most of our stories aren't quite so ha-ha, more along the lines of WTF?! And it can get very discouraging. Lately, instead of focusing on the bad, I'm trying to see on the good. So here are a couple "Can you believe... how great they are?!" stories. ;)

Back in April, when I bought my car, my husband ordered personalized license plates for me.  We decided on holding off to pay for permanent tags in case the plates came in before the temps expired. The Friday before Memorial Day, at roughly 4:35 pm, I realized that the temps were dated to expire on that Sunday. I raced around gathering everything I thought I'd need and headed up to the license office closest to me; walked in at 4:55. No line, thankfully, so I headed straight up to the counter. The woman who was helping me was SO friendly. She was great about writing everything down for me (since I have trouble lip reading strangers). Then came the problem. She needed access to the personal property taxes I've paid in the past and couldn't find them. (I had left out a very important word it seems, "unincorporated." Who knew?). I offered to just wait until Tuesday and try to find the copies at home so she could start her holiday weekend but she wouldn't hear of it. It took us about 15 more minutes to realize why we couldn't find what we were looking for and she was all smiles the entire time. I mean, this was the DMV?! And I have nothing but good things to say about the experience.

Recently I've started venturing through drive thrus again. I'm sure I don't have to explain why they are problematic for me. I typically will only pull up if there is no one else in line. (Especially if there are two or more rows. How in the heck am I supposed to know when it's my turn?!) I'll pull up, wait several seconds, then say "I'm deaf so I'm going to pull to the window to place my order." Or, if someone pulls up immediately behind me, I say "I'm deaf so I'm going to place my order here, repeat it once, then pull around for any questions."  It works remarkably well. I've never had any problems and the cashiers usually go out of their way to make sure they understood me, and that I understand them. (In these cases credit cards are our friends so that you never give them too little monies. Because that's just embarassing.)  But a recent trip through a Hardees drive thru tops them all. Not only was she very helpful but when someone pulled up behind me before my order was ready, instead of having me pull forward, she just went out the door and helped them at their car! And she gave extra napkins which always earns a :) in my book.

Speaking of fast food places, Chick-fil-a is my hands down favorite deaf friendly place to go. Because they are "family friendly" and spiritually oriented, I've found that the employees there really will go that extra mile to insure you have a good visit. I've had managers help carry my take out to my car; employees carry my tray to a table for me; they ALWAYS, no matter how busy they are, make sure to motion to me instead of calling my name when my order is ready. And the food is so good. I've never gotten bad food or a messed up order there. They're just fabulous. ;)

Those are just a few examples. I've had police officers write things down for me (and I don't mean a ticket!), strangers "interpret" for other strangers that I just could not understand, people stop to help me when I'm having difficulty walking over uneven ground or climbing stairs. I even had a drive up bank teller carry on a conversation with me once by holding up large, hand written signs to the window so I could read them. Sure, not everyone is as nice or helpful, but more people are than you realize, if you just let yourself see them.

♫ i can see clearly now...

... the rain is gone ♫ Feeling better! That was a quicky. Yesterday was starting to feel (emotionally) better, a bit, but physically, not so much. Today was a brand new day! The weather was a little over- cast at times but no real rain (unless it happened while I was asleep). But, still, the pain is GONE. Completely; or as completely as it ever is. 
To celebrate I went to see Prometheus (OC) at the theater then met the hubby for dinner at Tony Romo's. The movie... didn't suck. But I thought it was kinda boring.  Just didn't pull me in. The husband said it's because I haven't seen Alien/s yet but it's a prequel; that shouldn't matter. Besides, really, as far as I can tell, it was just the last scene at the end (actually, after the end but before the credits) that really had any Alien ties. I thought the acting was good. I didn't think anything was overly silly. I just thought it was a bit slow, and dry.
But dinner. Oh, dinner was so good. And our waitress ROCKED! She was so nice and friendly and attentive without being overly pushy. Best thing, when paying, she gave the bill back to me to sign, not Shawn. I carry the card attached to our checking account so I'm generally the one that pays for dinner, etc. And even when I physically hand the card to the server so many of them then return it to Shawn to sign!! Pisses me off! I know it's a common belief in the service industry that men tip better (I generally agree actually) but in this case, I am an awesome tipper. You won't get a better tip handing it to my husband, because we actually talk about it before we sign. A joint account; a joint decision. Plus, since I'm deaf, I like to ask Shawn about anything I might have missed. So, any food service workers reading this; pay attention!
Tomorrow the weekend starts. Time to book the family vacay; I'm SO excited about this. Our first real vacation. Five days, four nights in St. Thomas. We are going crazy trying to decide what we HAVE to do and how to fit it all in. I'm thinking we are going to get very little sleep those five days. Better bring the camera!
I also get to go this Sunday to see Cirque de Soleil: Quidam with the sister. Front row seats. So psyched. I've heard it gets a bit strobe light-happy at times so I have to remember to bring some sunglasses. Soooo, what should I wear?

out of the blue

Saturday I was FINE. Actually spent a couple hours watching the Cardinals game with my mom, just her and me. Having her to myself is pretty rare these days with the grandkids running around. It was nice.
Sunday I was FINE. I took my kids to the pool. We grilled out for father's day and stuffed ourselves on hotdogs and ice cream. I stayed up late chatting with a couple good friends- and laughing hysterically long into the night with one of them.
Monday I was... not so fine. I thought I was just tired, I just needed to sleep. It's the nerve pain bringing  me down, I said. If it would rain so the pressure would ease I'd be FINE.
Today I know- I'm not fine. But I can't say why. It's not the first time its happened. It's not just feeling blue or sad. I know depression is more than that. You can't just shake it off. I've gone through it before, I'll go through it again.
I just hate that it comes from nowhere, out of the blue. I'm not sick (or not more so than "normal"); nothing bad happened; I even spent time outside under the blue sky feeling the breeze on my face, letting the heat soak into my bones to warm me, inside and out. It was calm and beautiful- and I didn't care. It didn't bring a smile to my face or ease this feeling inside. This feeling I can't even put into words. A feeling of... not. I'm not really happy, but I'm not exactly sad. I'm not really tired, but I'm not exactly awake; I'm not hungry; I'm not thirsty; I'm not living. I'm just... not.

so... what would you do?

This isn't one of those they were smacking their kid, leaving their dog in the car, cutting in line kind of situations. I just want to tell you what happened, what I did about it and how they responded (spoiler alert: no blood was shed). Then maybe you can chime in with what you (think you) would have done in my place. Deal?

I took the kids to the pool today to expel some energy but I brought a book, because some days I just don't feel like getting in a public pool. Just in case. You know. Anyway. I was sitting on the snack bar patio, which has a roof for shade, and is fenced off from the rest of the pool area. An employee (teenager?) was using a hose to clear off a bunch of trash, branches, leaves etc (it was a bit windy) from the concrete and we chatted a bit while she worked. She was very thorough and it took her a good 30+ minutes to clean up and put everything back where it belonged. Not long after, a mom with two youngish (6 or7 y.o.?) children came and sat at a table near me with their snacks. A few little wrens were flying around- 2 or 3- but there were no nests or anything, they were just visiting. The kids started tearing up their bread/buns and throwing it on the ground to "feed" the birds (they were having none of that though!). They made two pretty large patches of mushed up bread pieces around their table.

So, what would you do? After that girl worked so hard? And the birds obviously weren't interested. Plus this was enough crumbs for a flock, not 3 tiny birds that would fit in your palm with your fingers closed.

My husband hates this about me. He is a "it's none of my business" kinda guy. I'm a "I'll speak up if I feel it's wrong" kinda gal. So, I walked over and very quietly, and calmly, and politely said "I'm sorry to interrupt and normally I wouldn't but I thought you should know. Not 20 minutes ago a young employee spent a pretty large chunk of time cleaning everything, including dropped food crumbs, off the patio. I don't think it's very nice of your children to throw a bunch of food all over it again." She said something I didn't catch so I told her I was deaf and she repeated "They were just feeding the birds. The little birds." And I replied (this did get a bit snarky but I was trying to be very polite about it) "I understand but this is a public pool, not a pond or lake. They might not want you to feed the birds." Then I gave a little nod and went back to my book. About 10 minutes later the kids got up and picked all the bread up (because the birds did not eat ANY OF IT) and put it in the trash bin. I did feel kind of bad, and I know it's rude to point out someone else's rudeness, but when I think of how hard that young employee worked I just had to step up.

So, what do you think?